I’m Courtnee Fallon Rex. Thinker. Feeler. Artist. Healer. Musician. Grief Recovery Specialist. Bodyworker. Loudmouth.
I talk a lot, write a lot, and make stuff.
I grew up in Sacramento, spending most of my tortured adolescence on EFnet, on drugs, waiting for the next DEFCON. I come from a time when we didn’t call it ‘trolling’, we just called it ‘life’. Lots of pain and anger in that there place.
At the turn of the century I worked at Microsoft, on early smart phones, and bounced around the dot com boom. I also have backgrounds in medical administration, private investigation, theater, mixology, and a bunch of other shit.
Now, I am both unrecognizable, and self employed. I am a healer, an artist, and an activist.
Vocations/Labors of Love
I keep in touch with my art supporters through Patreon, a crowdfunding tool for creatives which operates somewhat like kickstarter. I find myself relying more and more on this virtual tip jar to sustain me as cities gentrify and the class gap continues to grow.
I served four years as the board president and creative director of Vita Arts, a 501(c)(3) arts non-profit I co-founded in 2009. Vita is still transforming lives through artistic expression with a new crew at the helm.
I am a ferocious social justice advocate, and part-time activist. I attend protests, rallies, pay attention to the progressive news cycle, write, and engage in hashtag activism against racism, capitalism and patriarchy. I tweet social justice at @TweetOfNee and thinktank personal/social evolution on facebook.com/FaceofNee. My art page is facebook.com/courtnee
The Art of Living
“I would like to be remembered as somebody who made the path a little easier for somebody behind me” – Heather Flemming
Personal growth and social evolution are absolute core elements of my existence. Some can call it in and be fine; I would not be alive today if I had done that. Healing has been integral to my survival, and I am deeply dedicated to it.
As such, I place a lot of effort figuring out what’s really going on below — mostly me, sometimes you. I dig on psychology and geeking out on sociological trends. I am much more aware of my privileges, and how I utilize them, than I used to be. I love supporting other artists’ experiential growth in the context of my performance direction, non-profit, and shows. I also love supporting people in their personal healing journeys by seeing them, and by sharing what I have learned through mine.
As an attempt survivor, I advocate for mental health and suicide prevention awareness, and write about my personal experience occasionally on my blog.
I have moments of pure bonding with people, even strangers and my readers, but choose to have very few truly close personal friends; even fewer as I change and grow. I highly value my acquaintances and extended community of countless social circles who embrace me warmly when I cycle through.
I can be kind and incredibly tactful, however I think incessant politeness is disingenuous and greatly overvalued. Compassion does not equate to niceness – in fact, many times, compassion is exactly the opposite of being ‘nice’.
I periodically like to cuss, overshare, and tell it like it is. I like talking about poop. I like jokes utilizing cartoonish violence (die in a car fire!). Love Carlin. Hate Tosh.
I am an ambivert, high in imagination and in assertiveness. I am socially apt and charismatic, however large social groups and superficial parties drain me. I tend to avoid them unless I am performing, involved in activism, or in charge somehow; in which I still often need days to recover.
”The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper..” – Picasso
I am excruciatingly sensitive. I pick up a lot from the world and the people in it. I have historically spent a lot of time in denial about that in order to get through the day, numb and disconnected. As I am experiencing a year of celibacy, self focus, and no intoxicants, that’s not so much my reality, anymore.
Tea makes me happy, especially while sipped in a bath, as does the impossibly soft bunnyfur on my awesome chirpy cat. I love the simplicity of really sitting with taking in a big breath of fresh air. Travel frees my soul, I do it as often as I can and am very fortunate to have friends who support this element of my life.
I am currently saving (or, rather, trying desperately not to hemorrhage my savings) to build a tiny off-grid house on wheels. I dream often of finding home, and ending the constant churning cycle of scrambling to find places to live.
Finding me online
I’ve been documenting my existence online since long before companies had urls or people called their online journals “blogs”.
At one time, (1995-2004) this website was called phuqed.org, and I spent most of my time complaining, lashing, and being afraid. I still do that, sometimes, but mostly other stuff, now.
I also ran one of the first webcams on the internet, but you’ve probably never heard of it.
My social networking tends to fluctuate whereas the existence of this website has remained constant.
These are my current websites:
http://neevita.net – All-encompassed Art Site
http://blog.neevita.net – Diary and Art Blog <—– YOU ARE HERE
http://courtneefallonrex.net – Visual Art (for galleries, mostly)
http://artfultouch.info – My 5-star rated self care practice.
You are more powerful than what was done to you
My origins are, largely, in trauma. The following books were invaluable first-steps toward many a profound transformation in my difficult, abuse-laden life. They are listed in chronological order.
- “Control Theory” by William Glasser
- “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle
- “Escaping Emotional Entrapment” – Daniel Rutley
- “The Courage to Trust” – Cynthia L. Wall, LCSW
- “Dance of Anger” – Harriet Lerner
These books helped me, undoubtedly. It is important to mention however, that no matter how intelligent and insightful, reading and intellectualizing alone cannot heal deep psychological wounds.
It was only when I began continuously applying this lesson, seeking experiential therapies and reconnecting with my body, that my subconscious began healing and my life blossomed.
Here are a few of the impactful experiences I’ve had which have supported me in my growth:
- The Landmark Forum. The structure around the excellent education is a cultish and aggressive pyramid scheme. If you can look past that, go for the empowering kick in the ass.
- The Grief Recovery Method. My experience with the book and exercises combined with sessions with a trained specialist continue to help me complete trauma in my life. I am also a certified specialist in the method.
- Vipassana Meditation. If you have plateaued in your growth or want to start at the deep end of felt-sense healing, I highly recommend it. Beware of the compassion baiting; Anger is a teacher, too.
- Nonvoilent Communication – life enriching communication skills to help you stay calm and compassionate even in the most trying circumstances. The process helps build your emotional vocabulary, and provides a framework so you can more clearly communicate your feelings, hopes, and what you want in ways that make it easier for others to hear you.
- Systemic Constellations – a healing modality, which combines felt sense, grief recovery, and human witness.
If you wanna talk with me, I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
Take care of you,
About the Author: Courtnee Fallon Rex
Courtnee is a cat-loving artist-musician mental-health-prosumer perpetually broke-open healer person living where the wind takes her. She thinks deeply, feels deeply and lives life on her own terms. You can participate in her work and mobile life for as little as $1 a month via her Patreon campaign. She has three studio albums, original artwork, and prints for sale online. Some day, she hopes to upgrade from a van to a Tiny House on wheels, the fund of which you can donate to through the paypal button below.